Tell Me I'm Here
by regnum
Summary: Friendship and love are put to the test in a battle for sanity. Can Goten win this fight or lose everything. *Warning: Sad, you may need a tissue* R&R please!


Tell Me I'm Here

Tell Me I'm Here 

Disclaimer: I don't own Dragonball Z or GT. Or any of the characters… if I did, I'd be a millionaire…and Goten would be real. ^.^ 

A/N: Before I even start writing this I'm apologizing. I get the feeling I'm gonna hate myself for doing this to Goten. I love Goten…but I'm doing this because I haven't had to write anything really serious for a while and I wanted something that would impact. I got the idea from a book I read called "Tell Me I'm Here" and my title is stolen from that I guess. One more thing, in this fic, Trunks is 18 and Goten is 17. Enjoy. Please review it and tell me honestly what you think! 

~* J *~ 

"Goten?" 

"Huh?" 

"I was asking you if you wanted to head down to the arcade?" Trunks asked peevishly, he wasn't used to people ignoring him.

There was a distracted look in Goten's eyes. "Uh…I think I'll pass. I don't – I don't feel so well." 

The older teenager studied his best friend for a moment. "You look fine." He said doubtfully. "Goten?"

Goten was staring in the distance, he shook his head suddenly and a pained look settled on his features, only lasting a minute. "I – gomen Trunks…I need to go…" A blast of energy and an open-mouthed Trunks watched his best friend fly away. 

~* J *~

_I want you to kill him. _Goten clutched his head, the pain was growing too great and the voices wouldn't leave. _You should kill him…he's not your friend. Face it, you don't _have_ any friends. He'll kill you given half the chance._ He faltered at that, hovering midair for a moment. _Trunks wouldn't do that…he's my best friend! He's saved my life more times than I can count! _The voices grew, babbling, one on top of the other and creating a cacophony in his head. Chaos. 

He screamed. A harsh, wordless scream. Echoes of his own pain bounced of the surrounding countryside. _SHUT UP! SHUT UP AND GO AWAY! _The pain subsided, but only slightly. The mocking laughter lurked in the corners of his mind.

Sweating, he stared expressionlessly into the distance. _What in Kami's name is wrong with me? _He continued his flight home, trembling. Slowly, the voices returned. Babbling nonsense, _was_ it nonsense? He didn't know. _Don't trust…they'll betray you…kill you…friends? _Mocking laughter again. _You don't have friends…they hate you…they'll kill you…_ He tried to fight, tried to ignore it, tried to deny it, but they carried on, relentless. _You don't stand a chance…weak, weaker than all the others…fool…kill them. You want to…I want you to…why deny it? You hate them…Gohan, the perfect son. Straight A's…perfect family. Hell, he even had your_ father_ for longer than you. Think your dad fought to save you? Save the earth? No. He wanted to save Gohan…kill him…_

_ _

He wanted to scream again. The pain intensified, pounding at his skull. _No! That's not true! He's my _brother_! My brother damn it! He would never hurt me! NEVER! And I won't hurt him. Not for anything. And definitely _not_ because you tell me to!_ Chuckling, unpleasant chuckling, filled his head. _You're angry. Good. _

Silence. Goten breathed a sigh of relief. He was sweating profusely, from the effort. The voices had appeared yesterday. Always the same, threatening, telling him to kill, laughing at him. He hated it. Hated the lies, hated the pain. _I should tell someone…_ If he told someone they would be able to help him. No. _Don't tell…_ A whisper compared to the chaos of before. _Tell them and they'll lock you away…crazy…alone…you wouldn't want that would you?_ He shuddered with irrational fear. Was it irrational? All the same, perhaps it was better if he kept this to himself. Just for now. 

~* J *~

"What's the matter, Goten? Don't you like it?" Chi Chi eyed her youngest son worriedly. He was never this quiet, not at mealtimes. 

"Huh?" He stared at her dazedly. "No. No, it's great Kasan. Really…I'm just not too hungry." 

She looked at her son in amazement. A saiya-jin was _never_ 'not too hungry', no matter how much she sometimes wished it. She felt her son's forehead. "You're not sick are you?" His temperature _seemed _normal. 

He flinched at her touch. _She'll hurt you. Trust no one Goten. Turn around and she'll stab you in the back. Ever wonder what it's like to be dead? _The pain was growing, intense, at the back of his eyes. Throbbing. 

With a start Chi Chi realised he was muttering under his breath. "Will she? Could she? She's my mother! One you'll least suspect. Kill her now. It's the safest way. No. No! NO!" With a frantic scream he stood up. Wild-eyed he stared at her for a moment, pushing her out of the way, just hard enough to slam her into the wall. 

She wasn't hurt, just winded really, but Goten stared like he had killed her. His eyes grew wider and he sunk to the ground clutching his head, alternating between crying and muttering, tearing at his hair. Chi Chi moved to comfort him, "I'm okay. It's okay, Goten. Nothing happened." She rested a hand on his trembling shoulder. 

He jumped as though burnt. "No! NO! Don't touch me!" Goten drew a shuddering breath. "DON'T TOUCH ME!" He sank back to the ground. "I won't. I _won't_. Get out. Get out of my head!" Tears ran unchecked down his cheeks. The pain was unbearable. "Damn you she's my mother!" He screamed suddenly, bolting for the door, panic evident on his face. "She's my _mother_!" 

Chi Chi leapt to her feet, intent on chasing him. "Goten! Son Goten get back here!" He gave no indication that he heard, flying through the night sky. She reached for the phone, wishing desperately that Goku could be there. 

~* J *~

"Okay, calm down, Kasan." Gohan said soothingly. "I'll go look for him now. I'm sure he's fine. I'll bring him home when I find him. Okay? Ja." Carefully he replaced the phone in its cradle. 

"What's wrong?" Videl looked up worriedly from where she was feeding three year old Pan. 

A frown creased Gohan's normally calm face. "Goten. He just freaked out on Kasan and left."

Videl arched an eyebrow. He husband was definitely keeping something from her. "Freaked out?" 

Gohan sighed. "He was muttering about killing and things in his head, when Kasan tried to calm him down he screamed and took off." He gave his wife a meaningful look. "I'm going to look for him. If he comes here, _call me_." 

She nodded, giving him a hug. "Be careful." She whispered softly. He kissed her forehead gently then left. 

~* J *~

_Why didn't you kill her? Why do you keep fighting? _The whispers filled his head and tears leaked from behind closed eyelids. "Please…just go away…" He whispered despairingly. "Just leave me alone." If anything the voices grew. _Don't you believe us? We're real…are you scared yet? They'll lock you away if you tell…you won't tell anyone about us will you Goten? Not if they'll lock you away. A tiny room, no windows, a locked door. Will you ever be free? Listen to us Goten…we'll keep you safe…_

He began humming desperately under his breath willing to try anything to keep them away. Simple songs, softly. The voices faded a little. He hummed louder and they receded in the back of his mind. Soon he was singing out loud and only stopped when he ran out of songs. _You think you can stop us? Don't you _like_ us Goten? _Mocking laughter. Kami, he was getting to hate that mocking laughter. "Go away." The laughter increased. _Will you tell Goten? Can we trust you? _

Painfully he climbed to his feet. He felt as though he had been running for years, fighting Cell and Buu all over again. Tired, he was so very tired. _You can't fight…you can't fight us…_ "Go away." He said again, louder this time. "Leave me alone damn it! LEAVE ME ALONE!" He powered up, into super saiya-jin, anger flashed in his eyes. Control was slipping from his grasp. _You're angry. That's good. Are you angry enough to kill? _"NO! I-I won't kill!" He spat, it took effort and he found himself on his knees, grasping at the sparse blades of grass. 

A hand touched his shoulder and he fired a chi blast instantly, not bothering to see who it was. A small grunt of pain was heard behind him and then he was pulled roughly to his feet. "G-Gohan…" He breathed a sigh of relief. "I thought…I thought…" What _had_ he thought?

"Power down." His brother's voice was rough, edged with pain. Goten could make out a burn mark across his shoulder. 

"I-gomen…" _Kill him…he'll kill you…don't tell him Goten…don't tell him. _Pain bloomed at the back of his skull. _It hurts doesn't it? Don't tell…_

"What do you think you're doing?" Gohan asked angrily. "Kasan is worried sick about you! Why are you in super saiya-jin anyway?" 

Goten staggered to his feet, managing to bare his teeth in what resembled a grin. Sweat poured down his face. "I'm fine." _Don't tell…mustn't tell…they'll lock you away…they'll know all about you, you're part alien Goten. They'll perform experiments. They'll hurt you…will you show the world how weak you really are? All the world is a stage…_ He remembered hearing that somewhere. Abruptly he laughed out loud. Gohan looked startled. 

"Daijoubu ka?" 

Goten laughed again. "Just fine." He brushed past his brother, and Gohan could have sworn he heard him mutter: "I won't tell…I mustn't tell." 

"You sure?" 

_He suspects. He'll lock you away if he knows…kill him! _"No." Goten said out loud. He shook his head. "No."

Gohan looked confused now. "You're _not_ sure?" 

"Of what?" Goten looked at his brother's hand resting on his shoulder. "I'm sure you won't kill me. That's the truth right? They're liars, the lot of them. But I'm sure." His voice had a frantic edge. "Am I sure, Gohan? Will you kill me?" There was a mad gleam in his eye. The voices were chattering away in his head, "You won't right? I don't want to believe them." Gohan stared at his brother, he sounded like a child of five again. Goten's eyes darted about wildly, seeking some escape. "Gohan?" His voice was frantic again. "Tell them! TELL THEM! You won't kill me! You won't! I _know_ you won't! Tell them!" 

He found his voice again. "I-I won't kill you Goten. You're my brother, I won't kill you." 

Goten relaxed slightly. "I told them. I told them you wouldn't. They didn't believe me." He cocked his head to the side, listening to what only he could hear. "They're calling you a liar now. But I know. I KNOW! They're the liars! LIARS!" He was clutching his head again, shouting wordlessly. 

"Goten? Goten! Calm down!" Kami, his brother was _crying_. He hadn't seen Goten cry since he was about seven. Tears ran down his cheeks, but he seemed to be laughing, laughing and screaming. He wrapped his arms around his brother. "Just calm down, it'll be okay." He couldn't say that, he wasn't sure, Gohan wasn't sure of anything right now. Goten relaxed in his arms, sobs shaking his body, then he tensed, fighting his way out of the embrace. 

"Let go! Let go! LET ME GO! You won't lock me away! Never! NEVER! LET GO!!!" He screamed. "They're not right! They _can't_ be right! They're lying! You won't! YOU WON'T!!" 

Goten was shaking violently, his eyes wide and obviously terrified. Gohan tried to soothe him. "No one's going to lock you away. It's okay Goten. Just calm down. No one will lock you anywhere if you don't want them to. Okay? Let's go home. Back to Kasan, she's worried about you." 

"Promise?" The tears and screaming stopped. "Promise you won't let them take me away? Promise me, Gohan!" His eyes were pleading now, begging. 

"No one will take you away, Goten. I promise." 

~* J *~

"Goten!" He shield away from her. That hurt, Chi Chi felt tears in her eyes. He had a hunted look, eyes sunken into his head, with dark rings encircling them. Slowly, carefully, she hugged him. "Don't do that again." She whispered. How many times had she told him, begged him, not to run? He did it anyway, Gohan always found him, scared, sometimes angry. She looked into his eyes. "Goten, let me take you to a doctor, please?" Another moot point, he refused help, he didn't trust anyone now. 

"No. No. No." He muttered. "No! They'll lock me away!" He turned frantic eyes to her. "They'll lock me away!" 

"Shh…" She smoothed a hand across his brow, trying to ignore the fact that he flinched. "It's okay, I'm sorry. You don't have to go. You don't have to go." Slowly she released him. "Go clean yourself up, get some sleep." For a moment she sounded like the Chi Chi of old, in charge. She didn't feel it. She was always scared now, scared of what he might do, scared that he might get hurt. 

He turned, moving slowly like a man of sixty instead of a teenager, climbing the stairs. He paused at the top, "Okasan? I'm sorry." Then he was gone. 

Chi Chi allowed her tears to fall freely. 

~* J *~

He didn't recognise the man in the mirror. His hair was lank and dirty, matted. Dark stubble covered his cheekbones, sunken cheekbones. When was the last time he ate? In his mind the man in the mirror glared at him, narrowing his eyes threateningly. Goten snarled back. _All out to get me…why won't you leave me alone! _

Mocking laughter, how he hated it. He didn't even notice the echo from his own lips. _You wouldn't want us to _go_ would you Goten? Leave you all alone? You don't want to be alone do you? So lonely…don't trust anyone Goten…don't trust anyone…_ He didn't remember a time of quiet, a time where he was alone in his head. Pain. "Damn it!" He swore, punching the mirror, "Stop staring at me!" Glass shards littered the floor, cutting his hands. That pain was nothing, nothing compared to the pain in his head. "Leave me alone!" He was gasping for breath, the water in the sink ran red with his blood. "Leave me alone…" He whimpered softly, sinking to the floor and curling into the foetal position. "Okasan…" Then the world collapsed on him. 

~* J *~

"It'll be okay." Gohan attempted to comfort his mother. 

Chi Chi sobbed on to his shoulder. _Where are you Goku?_ She didn't know how much more she could take. For two weeks now she had been living like this. Goten's temper tantrums, shouting, screaming, the music playing loudly early in the morning, his running away. Two weeks. She had had enough. 

She didn't know what to do, there was nothing she could do. It was like there were two different people inside him, an innocent, sweet, scared child and a violent man, both struggling to break free. Neither of them was the Goten she knew, neither of them was her baby boy. 

"Where did you find him, Gohan?" Chi Chi cleared her throat noisily. 

Her older son shrugged, "Out in the woods. He was pretty upset. What happened, Kasan?" 

His mother blew her nose, "He lost his temper, threw a couple of plates…" 

Gohan sighed. "I'll talk to him if you want." He was on the verge of suggesting his mother and brother move in with him. But there was Panny and Videl to worry about and he didn't want either of them hurt. But he didn't want Goten hurt either. Frustration welled within him. Why did this have to happen? "Kasan, if you want you can come stay with us. Videl wouldn't mind and Pan would love to have you." 

"No. I can't leave him Gohan, you've seen him. He's as helpless as a child sometimes. I can't." Chi Chi shook her head. "It'll be okay." _Kami let it be okay. _A silent prayer of hope, only time would tell if it would be answered. 

Gohan's eyes widened, Goten's chi level had just dropped below the critical point. He rushed upstairs. 

~* J *~

When he woke, the pain was less. The voices subdued, no longer shouting. White, all white. Sterile. Clean. Frantically, the voices rose in volume. _They have you. It's too late, Goten. Run. Run while you can! How fast can you run? Can you escape them? _And the mocking laughter, always the mocking laughter. There must be some way, some means of escape. His eyes searched frantically. Some way out. "Out. You can't have me. You can't. You can't! I won't let you. I won't! I _won't_!!" Muttering, hurried hands ripped out the IV, not noticing the pain. "I won't let you. I won't let you. Out. Must be some way. Let me out! LET ME OUT!" He screamed.

A window. _Fly, Goten. Is that as fast as running? Can you fly as fast as you run? Try. You have to escape. You have to. _A simple chi blast. So easy. "You won't get me. Never. Never!!" Muttering at a pace to match the voices he broke the window. "I'll fly out. You won't catch me. You won't." Levitating up he left and didn't look back. The mocking laughter followed him and he didn't care whether it was from his own lips or not. 

~* J *~

"Schizophrenia?" 

"I'm afraid so, Mrs Son. Your son is paranoid schizophrenic. I'm surprised you didn't bring him in sooner."

"He didn't want to come." She muttered. She hated this doctor, with his smug attitude. The way he leaned back in his chair, like he knew everything. He didn't. He didn't know her and he sure as hell didn't know Goten. "Are you sure?" 

He gave her a disbelieving look, "Yes. He may be manic depressive as well, but we will have to talk to him. I have some medication that should help the violent mood swings…he needs to take it daily." 

"Arigato." She bowed her head slightly, getting up to leave. 

"I'll talk to you again, Mrs Son." Shutting the door behind her, Chi Chi wished that it didn't sound like a threat. 

"Kasan!" Gohan greeted her worriedly, "How is he?" 

Chi Chi sat beside her older son, "The doctors say he'll be fine physically. But mentally…" She took a deep breath. "He's schizophrenic, Gohan. They gave me some medication but…" 

He wrapped an arm around his mother. "Kasan, it'll be okay…if there's medication…" 

She shook her head. Blow after blow. She knew she would collapse soon. A nurse came rushing in. "Mrs Son? Your son has run away." 

~* J *~

A giant gaping hole. The one in the hospital window echoed the one in her heart. Gohan had gone to find Goten, he had enlisted the help of the other Z Senshi. The breeze played with her dark hair and a tear fell. Her youngest son. Why her? Why him? Goten didn't deserve this, not to live in fear all the time. Gohan didn't deserve this. He had his own family to take care of, Videl and Pan. He couldn't keep going out to look for his brother. 

Strong arms wrapped around her waist causing her to jump slightly. "Gohan told me." A familiar voice said softly, "Why didn't you contact me?" 

"You were busy." She couldn't keep the bitterness from her voice. "Training Uub."

He turned her around to face him, tipping her face up with one finger, "Family comes first. Always." He kissed her forehead. She leaned on Goku's chest and cried, feeling secure for the first time in two weeks. 

Goku looked out the window. His son was out there, lost and his wife was falling apart, he hadn't been there. Again. It was time to look at his priorities. The world, Uub, could wait. Goten was more important. 

~* J *~

_You did it. You got away. _The sense of relief was strong. He laughed and for once the voices were silent, maybe he had finally won. _You can't get rid of us. We stay._ A whisper in his head, he could have cried. _You can't win, Goten. You can never win._ Then the tears did come. "Why?" He whispered piteously. "Why can't I be rid of you?" Anger, dark and dangerous, welled up. "Damn you! I want you gone! I WANT YOU GONE!" His scream carried, but no one heard. No one could. _They can't help you, Goten. You're all alone. _He fell from midair, not bothering to fly. _Death, death is sweet, a way to end it all. Kami help me I want to end it all._ The laughter followed him, mocking him. 

"Goten!" He had felt his friend's chi, felt the frustration, the anger. _He's going to kill himself._ He couldn't let him. Not like this. He caught his friend's arm. "Damn it, Goten! You're not gonna die!"

His friend, his best friend looked at him with bitterness. "What the hell do you know?" He spat, "Do you know what it's like?!" madness touched his voice, "Do you know what the _hell_ it's like?! They won't shut up! They won't!" He was crying again, crying and screaming, "I want you to! SHUT UP!! JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!!" He broke Trunks' grip. "I just want them to leave me alone…"

They were whispering even now. _Do you trust him? Trust is death…but you want to die don't you? Alone…so alone…_ No. Trunks was his best friend. _Is he?_ That mocking voice. "Leave me alone. Leave me alone." How many times had he begged? Too many. "Please…"

He didn't know. How could he? Gohan hadn't said how bad it was. It hurt to see his friend like this. Helpless, he couldn't help him; there was no way _to_ help him. "Goten, it'll be okay…" Would it? Was he lying now? "Goten, we want to help…" 

Goten laughed, a bitter, maniacal laugh. "Help? Who can I trust? Can I trust you? They tell me I can't. But they lie. Liars." He smirked, it looked wrong on his face. "Shall I kill you? Or is that what you want? Death is sweet…is death what you want? No. No. What they want. What do they want?" He shook his head rapidly, his mood changing just as swiftly. "Help me Trunks…I-I can't…" Hunted, that was how he looked, but his voice, his voice had lost the insane edge and he sounded like the old Goten. "I can't live like this. I never know…what I'll do…Kami! I could have killed Kasan…" He looked his best friend straight in the eye, "Please…help-" He clutched his head and groaned in pain. 

Trunks wanted to cry, badly. Goten had sounded lucid, sane at the very end. And now…he was gone. No tears, not now. "Come on Goten, everyone's looking for you." 

He looked up. "They won't get me will they? I won't let them." Then he giggled. "They can't catch me anyway…I'm too fast! Faster than the speed of light!" Trunks led him away, a pained look on his face. 

~* J *~

"Uncle Got'n?" 

He smiled woodenly at the little girl. "Hey there, Pan-chan." He bent to give her a hug, arms feeling like weights. He ruffled her hair, slightly and she scowled at him. He grinned back, or attempted to, it was nothing like his usual grin. That lovable Son grin was gone, his grin looked forced, never reaching his eyes. The medication did that. It dulled everything, not just the voices. 

"Will you twain wiv me?" She looked up at him, dark eyes wide.

Such innocence. He had lost that, he had lost his sanity. What else had he lost? He couldn't train, couldn't overwork himself, what kind of life was that? Life wasn't the same. But could it ever be the same? He hated the medication, because of what it did, it slowed him down, in body and mind. He was one of the strongest in the world, held back because of a disease. But to go back to the terror, the constant fear. He didn't know if he could do that. He smiled at Pan, "Maybe someday." _I've already lost so much…I have nothing left to lose._ "Pan-chan? Remember, I love you okay?" 

She smiled up at him, not realising what he was contemplating, "Sure Uncle Got'n! An' I wuv you too!" She gave him a hug, which he willingly returned. He had lived like this too long and like this he didn't have the courage to end it all. _I'm sorry._

~* J *~

Goku stroked his wife's hair comfortingly, "He doesn't mean it you know." He murmured softly. 

She shifted her head on his chest, "I know, but it still doesn't hurt any less." She sighed in frustration. "He's so stubborn! I just wish he would take the medication!" 

He looked his wife in the eye, "Would you have him live like that forever? When he was on the medication he looked like a zombie." 

She stifled a sob, "I just want my Goten back. I just want him back. It's not fair!" 

"We'll get through this." His voice said he was certain, but his eyes held doubt. 

~* J *~

The music was loud in the background, it was the only thing that could drown out the noise in his head. Yet they still whispered. _Red…the colour of blood…such a pretty colour…Do you like red, Goten? _Tears welled in his eyes and he giggled. The blade gleamed in the light; blood welled from the cut on his arm. _I told you…we told you. Nothing can hurt you now. You're invincible…_ He giggled again, "Nothing can hurt me. Nothing." He muttered between the giggling. "Liar. You lied!" He cried in a singsong voice. A single tear fell down a grimy cheek. _All the world is red…and I am green._ "Liar. Liar. LIAR!" He screamed suddenly. It hurt, but not as much as his head did. 

"Kami…" He muttered softly. Wild words danced in his head again. _I'm not green. Kami is…I'm red…red like blood. My blood. _"My blood." Almost inquisitively he jabbed at the slash on his arm. "Ouch." He giggled again. "Hurts. It does, it hurts. I'm not green, Kami is. Kami is green and I'm red with blood." A fresh burst of giggles. "I'm red with blood." He dropped the blade onto the ground, tears streaming down his cheeks. 

A pained whisper echoed in the room, "What's happening to me?" It only lasted for a moment, then giggles filled the silence and the voices whispered again. _Kill…make the world red, such a pretty colour red…are you red? Everyone is red…_ He could not block them if he tried. 

~* J *~

She found him sitting at the front door. There was a sense of relief, knowing he was still alive. Every time he left she worried. She bit her lip at the sight of the blood-caked cut running the length of his arm. "Goten? Goten, what happened?" She touched his shoulder gently. "What happened to your arm?" 

He giggled, "They tried to get me. The police chased me all over Satan City. Can't get me." The giggling continued. "My friends saved me. They told me to fly away. I can fly." He rocked back and forth. "My friends are dead. Dead. DEAD!" He wailed suddenly, rocking more violently. Tears glittered in his eyes, "I killed them. I killed them all. They were going to kill me. They were going to tell. Mustn't tell. No. No. Mustn't. I killed them! I won't! I _won't_! I won't tell!" He was sobbing now and shaking. "I didn't want to. I don't want to. But they were going to tell. Mustn't tell. No." Abruptly he laughed, "Death is sweet. Sweet. They asked me to. They _wanted_ to die. They want to die!" He looked at her frantically. "You understand? They wanted to die! They did!" 

"I understand, Goten. I understand." Chi Chi bit her lip to keep from crying. "It's okay. I understand." 

"Good. That's good." His worry disappeared. "Good. I'm glad. If you didn't I would have to kill you. I don't want to. No." Talking like he was discussing the weather, he stared vacantly into the distance. "They live here now." Gently he held his head, "I mustn't hurt them. That's bad. Bad." He muttered, "Bad. I'm bad. I didn't want to! But they're in my head now. It's better. They can't get hurt. I won't let them! I won't!" 

She led him inside, "Let me fix that cut, Goten. Please?"

He grabbed his arm protectively, dirty fingers digging into the wound, "No. No, no, no. It'll hurt. I don't want to hurt anymore." He looked at her pleadingly, "Make it stop hurting! Make it stop!" 

"I won't hurt you. Just let me clean it or it'll get infected." Chi Chi said soothingly. 

He snarled, baring teeth. "NO! I don't want to hurt anymore! I don't want to!" He shook his head violently. 

"It'll just hurt a little, then it will stop. If it gets infected it will hurt a lot more." Gently, she placed a hand on his arm. "Please let me look at it?" 

He looked curiously at his arm. "It doesn't hurt now. Promise you won't hurt me?" 

"I promise." Methodically she began cleaning the cut. Blood was caked along the sides, it wasn't deep, but it would still require a bandage. She murmured a thankful prayer. He could have gotten it several days ago and it was a miracle it wasn't infected. She didn't believe his stories about the police and his friends. He often rambled like this, it was hard to know what was real and what was happening in his imagination. She refused to cry about it. Satisfied that the bandage was secure she straightened up. 

Goten was watching her with a curious expression. "It doesn't hurt." He giggled. "They said I could never hurt. I didn't believe them. Do you believe them?" He didn't wait for an answer, getting up and heading for the door. "I have to go. I have to go. They're looking for me. Sorry. I have to go. I can't let them catch me. My friends need my help. I'm strong you know." 

He was the child again, his expression was nervous. "They might catch me here. I can fight them all. But this is a nice house. I wouldn't want to break it. Break it. No." He grinned at her suddenly, "They broke my head." Her breath caught. "They did. It hurt. They say they're fixing it now. It hurts. But they say they can fix it. It's my head. They broke it. They broke it!" He pushed past her, "They'll find me. I can't let them! Can't let them find me!" 

"Goten!" She tried desperately to make him stop. "Goten please! They won't find you here. They won't." She hated pretending his lies were real, hated the fear he so obviously held. "Stay, Goten. For me?" _For me. Just so I can pretend for a while that I have my son back. _

He stared at her, "They won't." For a moment he seemed satisfied. "They won't find me here." Chi Chi relaxed. "If they do I'll just beat them. I'll kill them! You want me to kill don't you?" He giggled. "You're always telling me to." A dangerous gleam entered his eyes, "Kill her?" He was silent, listening. Then he jumped to his feet. "No! She promised! Promised! She wouldn't lie! No, no, no!" He leapt at her, savage, his face twisted by anger and fear. She ducked out of the way. His fist punched a hole in the wall where she had been. 

Tears ran down her cheeks. Goten stared at his hand, the knuckles were bleeding. Then he looked at her, angry. "You got lucky this time bitch. I'll be back and I'll kill you." Then he was gone. 

She sank to the floor, still sobbing. That was how Goku found her. He gathered her in his arms, shushing her sobs. "What happened?" 

"H-he came back." Chi Chi gulped for air, holding on to her husband for all she was worth. "He said he would kill me." She dissolved into sobs again. "My baby. My baby said he would kill me!" Tears soaked through Goku's gi. 

He was worried. Chi Chi was dangerously close to breaking point. He had never seen her this vulnerable, ever. Chi Chi was strong, she had always been a strong woman and it was one of the things he admired so much about her. Lately though, she had been nervous; jumping at the slightest noise, worry was constantly seen in her eyes and she had grown thinner, paler. He carried her to bed. "You going to be okay?" He asked softly, kneeling by the bedside. Wordlessly she nodded. He managed a sad smile, kissing her gently. "I'm going to look for him." Goku paused in the doorway, "Love you." Then he left. 

~* J *~

_Why didn't you? Why didn't you kill her? Your own mother. _Hollow laughter. _No one cares, no one. Kill them all. You want to be alone don't you? Red, paint the world red. Red with their blood. _He squeezed his head in pain. _Kill them, before they kill you. Are you scared? I know you're scared. They know you're scared. Every weakness. They see every weakness. _He didn't want to believe, how long had he been fighting now? Tears pushed past closed lids. _Every feeling, every emotion. Paint the world red. They're coming. Coming for you. Who wants you dead? Who can you trust? They look at you like you're crazy. Are you crazy, Goten? Are you? _"I'm not. I'm not." Desperately, he rocked back and forth. "No, no, no, no. I'm not. I'm not crazy!" The tears streamed down his face. 

~* J *~

"I'm not. I'm not." 

"Goten?" Those wild eyes met his. His son looked worse for wear. His clothes tattered and dirty, feet bare. His arm was bandaged, the white cloth stark against grimy skin. He was thin, emaciated and his face was narrower and untrusting. The clothes he wore hung off him, a bruise had formed above his left eye, slightly swollen and his lips were pulled back in a grimace, whether from pain or anger, Goku didn't know. He had sunken, hollow eyes, despair looked out from those eyes. "It's okay Goten, I'm not going to hurt you." 

"I'm not crazy! I'm not! You believe me don't you? Don't you?" He asked frantically, still rocking. 

"Yes. I believe you. You just need some help, Goten. Do you want help?" Goku sat down beside his son. 

"Help? No. They'll hurt me again." Goten began picking at the bandage on his arm, "I don't like pain." he said conversationally, "No. They lie. They can't help." He giggled, "No one can. I need to paint the world red. I have to. Then they'll leave me alone. All alone." His expression grew sober and he began rocking again, "All alone. You can't have me. You can't take me away! No! You can't!" 

"Easy, easy. Calm down, Goten. I don't want to take you anywhere. Let's just talk." He watched his son warily, just in case he took off. 

Unshed tears shone in his eyes, "Did I hurt her? I didn't mean to. Didn't mean to. Didn't want to. But she was going to tell. Mustn't tell." He rocked faster, talking at a speed to match the rocking. The grimace never left his face. "Stop talking to me! I don't want to listen anymore! Stop it!" He shrieked. "Stop it!" The tears flowed, carving clear funnels in the dirt on his face, "Stop it! It hurts! It hurts!" His rocking increased pace again, head in his hands. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Stop, please! I don't want to hear you!" He began humming, loudly and rocking, non-stop rocking. 

Then he slowed, "I'm sorry. Tell her; tell her I'm sorry, Tousan." His face was twisted as he faced his father, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I didn't! I didn't want to. I didn't want to! Help me otousan…please…" He trailed off, last words a whisper, returning to his humming. 

Goku wrapped an arm around his son, "I'll tell her, son. Don't worry, I'll tell her." His own eyes were bright with tears. 

"I don't want to hurt anymore." A plea. "I don't want to. They keep laughing. Can you make them stop?" 

His father swallowed thickly, "I-I don't know how, Goten." 

The rocking ceased and he giggled, "Neither do I. I can fly; I have wings of gold and can fly anywhere. But I can't make them go away. They say they'll burn my wings, so I can't fly anymore. I don't want them too." He giggled again, "I won't let them. They can't get me. No one can. I have magic too. Once I was a fairy and I lived in the clouds. Did you know that? I used magic then, to grant wishes. Do you have wishes?" It poured out, all the words tripping over each other. "I used to. I killed someone yesterday. My friend, he wanted to die. They all did. There are so many people in my head. Sometimes I want them to leave. I would get lonely if they did. My head hurts from trying to keep them all there. It hurts." 

Goku just nodded, a sad look on his face, "I know. I know." 

~* J *~

"I'll kill you!" He lunged for the older man, fist pulled back. Trunks caught the punch easily, but missed the uppercut that slammed into his ribs. 

"Oof." The breath rushed from his lungs, he gasped for air, "Goten…I'm not going to hurt you." He blocked another punch, not wanting to hurt his friend. 

"Liar. LIAR!" Goten was wild-eyed, too-long hair hanging in his eyes. He didn't look like he could hurt anyone with his clothes hanging off a too-skinny frame, but years of training had built up muscle that had yet to waste away. He powered up a chi blast, the ball of destructive energy growing in his hands, tears glittering in his eyes, reflected by the light. "I trusted you. I told them you wouldn't lie. I told them! They were right." He giggled, "They were right. I have to kill you now." He said regretfully. A single tear slid down his cheek. 

"Goten! I didn't lie!" Trunks said desperately, wanting to prevent the attack before it came, "I wouldn't lie to you!" The chi ball whizzed past, missing him by a millimetre. Had Goten deliberately missed? "I won't hurt you, Goten." 

Goten's arms lowered, he was panting for breath, and sweat poured down his face, "I have to. I have to kill you. They say I have to." He sat down suddenly, giggling, "I'm so tired. So tired." He looked up at Trunks, "I've never been this tired ever. Never ever." He shook his head, "I'm so tired. Death is sweet. Rest. I need some rest." 

Trunks placed a hand on his shoulder, "I'll take you home. You can get something to eat and get some sleep too buddy."

He jumped like he'd been burned. "No, no, no! Not going back there! I can't! I can't!" He lashed out at Trunks wildly, "I'm not going back! I mustn't!" A wayward fist grazed Trunks' cheek and he winced in pain, "I'm not going! It hurts! I can't hurt them!" 

"Goten…Goten!" He didn't want to shout, but it was the only way to make him listen, "No one's going to get hurt. It's your home. They all miss you. You don't have to stay very long." Goten stared at him, obviously thinking.

Slowly his friend climbed to his feet, "I never got to say sorry." He mumbled. "I guess I could. Just for a little while. My friends need me. They say they don't but they do. I have to fly away, I fly them everywhere. Sometimes we fly to the moon. It's pretty there. Cold. I'm cold." He was shivering despite the sweat running down his face. "The angels live there. They have shining gold hair. They don't hurt. Not like I do. No one lives in their heads. I'm going home aren't I Trunks? Aren't I?" He shivered again, "It's cold." Trunks draped a jacket over his friend's shoulders. "Did I hurt you? I didn't mean to. I don't like pain, but there's so much in my head." He looked at the jacket vacantly, it was a Capsule Corp one, dark blue. He fingered the material. "So much pain. Have you ever painted the world red? I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry." He looked worried.

Trunks patted him on the shoulder, leading him away, "You didn't hurt me Goten." He grinned a sad grin, nothing like his cocky smirk. "Not physically." He was crying in his head, but he was the Prince of the Saiya-jin and crying wouldn't do. 

~* J *~

She screamed as he advanced, the knife blade glittered in the sunlight "Goten, don't!" A single tear fell from her eyes. 

He stopped, confusion painted on his face. Then the anger returned, "I said I'd kill you, bitch! I'll kill you!" His face was twisted into a snarl. He raised the blade threateningly "I'll kill you!"

There were tears running down his face. Chi Chi closed her eyes. 

He yelled suddenly, cursing loudly. She opened them again to see Goku restraining him. "Let me go! Let me go! I'll kill you! I'll kill you all!" His father held on tightly and Goten found his feet kicking air. "I'll kill you too, bastard!" He shrieked, thrashing. Goku turned to Chi Chi, the words he were about to say hurt.

"Call the police." 

~* J *~

"Daddy? Is Uncle Got'n gonna be okay?" Pan asked childishly, tugging on her father's pants. 

Gohan lifted his daughter, cradling her in his arms, "I don't know Panny. I hope so." He stared at the glass window, inside the small room Goten was talking to himself and crying. 

Pan rested her head on her father's shoulder, "Will he come an' play wiv me soon?" 

"I wish he could." Gohan murmured softly, kissing his daughter on the forehead, "I really wish he could." 

~* J *~

He cried. He screamed. 

Nothing. There was nothing, just that sterile whiteness. Food was pushed through the doors but he refused to eat. _Poison. Who wants you dead?_ Words whispered in his head, and the madness beckoned. _They have me. Damn it they have me! _There must be, had to be, a way out. Had to be. 

No windows, there were no damn windows. He beat on the walls with frustration. He was all alone. All alone except for the voices. _Betrayed. We told you. Don't trust anyone. You only have us now. Only us. _Laughter. There was nothing funny, but he laughed along with them, tears streaming down his cheeks. "Kasan…I want my Kasan…" He whispered softly. _Are you scared Goten? _The voice whispered. _Yes, I'm scared, I'm very, very scared. _And he cried. 

~* J *~

"There's nothing you can do? What do you mean? There has to be _something_ you can do!" Chi Chi shrieked. 

Goku held her back, she was about to strangle the doctor, "Doctor, are you sure? You can't just let him out!" Goku said disbelievingly. 

"Mr Son, we can't keep him here. He's legally an adult and without his consent, it's against the law." Dr. Makoto shrugged.

"He's a danger to himself!" Goku protested. "He's not thinking logically! Why would he give consent?" 

"It's the law, Mr Son." 

"I don't give a damn about the law!!" Goku slammed his fist on the desk, cracking it. The doctor's eyes widened slightly. "My _son _needs help!"

Dr. Makoto gulped audibly. "There's nothing I can do. I'm sorry. Please leave, Mr Son." 

Goku led a dishevelled Chi Chi away. Outside the hospital, he gave her a hug, "We'll fight this. We'll get him help, anata." He whispered softly. They only had hope left. 

~* J *~

_You want to die. Death is sweet. _He took shuddering breaths, his thoughts were racing. Tears fell from closed eyes, "Leave me alone. Just leave me alone!" Was he still alive? Barely clinging to sanity. _You're crazy. They'll lock you away. Don't trust them. Paint with their blood. _"They're all dead anyway. You're dead." Muttering, the pain grew to great sometimes. His hand brushed a plastic bottle, lying unopened on the ground. Medication. Chi Chi, his _mother_ – he had to remember, she was his mother, brought it to him. He never took it. _Don't. Take it and we'll leave. You'll be all alone, Goten. All alone. _He sobbed noisily. His sanity was slipping, how long could he hold on? Hold the voices, hold the pain at bay. 

So hard. Every time he felt like he awoke from another nightmare. Only it was real. How long until he never woke up again? _Why fight us? _The damned laughter again, mocking him. _You don't want us to leave you all alone. They've all abandoned you. Are you scared? _"Go away. Go _away_!" He cried, "They haven't! They haven't! I'm still here. I'm still here!" Sobs wracked him. A terrible dream, it had to be a terrible dream. He didn't recognise who he was, didn't recognise the gaunt face in the mirror. _Am I real?_ Hold on to sanity, fight. How long had it been? _All my life. All my damned life. _He sobbed louder, _You can't live without us you know…we control you now._ Reality sunk cold, hard fingers into his skull. Memories not his own invaded his thoughts. 

A man, a man who resembled him, a man who was, yet wasn't him. Wanting to kill, strike in anger. Pain grew, agonizing and throbbing. Clenched lips, white, blood ran from the corner of his mouth tasting metallic and tangy. He had bitten his tongue. _I will not scream. I will not! _Laughter everywhere. Mocking him, his every emotion. _We see it all, Goten. You're scared. A scared little boy. Who else sees your fear? _The tears ran down silently, he was afraid to make a sound. _They'll know. If I cry out they'll know. They'll know I'm scared. I can't let them know. No one knows. No one!_ For an end. An end to it all. _Kami help me I want it to end! _"No more." He muttered, "No more. No. I don't want you here. I don't!" He rocked back and forth, the words spilling faster and faster, brain spinning the words so fast that he had to catch up. "I hate you. I do, I do. I'll fly away, I'm an angel. An angel with wings. Angels don't feel pain. No more pain. No more! Leave me alone! I want to be alone!"

Always those whispers caressed his mind, taunting him. "I want to be alone." He whimpered. His hand scrabbled frantically. A bottle. Somewhere. Some part of him knew that relief lay there. _We won't leave. Not for ever. I will see you turn red. Red with blood. Your blood. The worlds. _"Help me…" A pained whisper. There was no answer. No help, no one who could help. His fingers pulled the lid off the bottle, slowly. Maddened eyes strained in the darkness, peering inside. 

Small blue pills. They seemed to glow faintly in the moonlight. "Magic." He whispered. "Magic. Take away the pain." He tipped them into his hand, then swallowed. Lying down in the corner. "I am magic." His whisper seemed to echo. "I'll work my own magic. I can heal anything." He giggled softly, with tears running down his cheeks he went to sleep. "Then I'll be free…"

~* J *~

She found him the next morning. The empty pill bottle still gripped loosely in his hand. Her breath caught. "Goten? Kami no!" He wasn't breathing. "No. Please, no!" Sobs caught in her throat. "Goten!" Panicked she listened for a heartbeat, felt for a pulse. Nothing. "Goten…" She ignored the tears running down her face, cradling her son's head she wept. 

She didn't know how long she sat there. At some point Goku came in, his face grim, holding her, comforting her. Gently she traced Goten's face. Relaxed, the tension, suspicion gone. It was still tearstained, clean tracks ran through the grime. He looked peaceful, the calm on his face hadn't existed for a long time. _I'm free okasan…_ She raised her head wonderingly. "Goten? Did you hear something, Goku?" 

He shook his head. He had not cried. But his face was pale, the skin tight and drawn. It had been a shock, waking up and not sensing anything, Goten's chi had vanished overnight. He didn't know if he could cry. His son was dead. The reality was just sinking in. Grief. Chi Chi was crying again. Clinging to his shirt and sobbing. He tightened his arms. They were one in their grief. Goku buried his face in her hair, it was comforting. He didn't know how to comfort her, he couldn't, not when it was what he himself so desperately needed. 

~* J *~

Gohan was unconsciously shaking his head. Videl watched him worriedly. She touched her husband's shoulder gently. "Gohan?" He jumped. "Are you okay?" 

"Yeah…" She gave him a disbelieving look. "No. Not really." He gestured to the priest who was talking about what a wonderful person Goten was. "He doesn't know him. He never knew Goten! How can he say all this stuff? It's a load of bullsh-" Videl gave him a warning look, Pan was listening to her daddy, a curious look on her face. Gohan cleared his throat sheepishly. "I guess it hasn't really hit me yet. That he's gone. I keep thinking this is all a stupid prank he's pulling." He shook his head and laughed softly. "He used to play all those pranks…" Tears glistened in his eyes. "Is it stupid? Me wanting him to be alive?" 

Videl leaned on her husband, a sad look on her face. "It's not stupid. We all want him to be alive." Gohan wasn't listening anymore, he was thinking about his brother. _Keep safe, Goten. I can't look out for you anymore…not where you are._ He hugged his wife. 

_"Gohan? Can we take a break?" _

_ _

_He grinned at his whining brother. "Giving up so soon? I thought you wanted to be as strong as dad?" _

_ _

_The little boy nodded his head eagerly. "I do! But I'm tired." His face fell slightly. "Gohan will you tell me about papa again?" _

_ _

_"Again? Aren't you sick of that story already?" Gohan asked, knowing what the answer would be. _

_ _

_"Nope! Does he _really_ look exactly like me?" _

_ _

_Gohan sat on the ground, glad for a rest. "Yep. Right down to the hair." To emphasize he ruffled his brother's dark locks. "You especially look like dad when you smile." _

_ _

_"Really? Tell me more!" Gohan sighed softly. This was becoming a daily routine. His younger brother sat on his lap, grinning up at him. _

_ _

_"Well, tousan's the best fighter ever. He was the first person to become a super saiya-jin and he defeated Freiza-"_

_ _

_"Is he even better than Vegeta?" Goten interrupted. "Vegeta always says he wishes papa were around so he could spar with him."_

_ _

_"Yes he's stronger than Vegeta." Gohan rolled his eyes slightly. How many times can he listen to the same stuff over and over? It was annoying, but he loved his little brother. Goten always reminded him of their father. There was silence for a moment, Gohan waiting for the question that would inevitably come._

_ _

_"When's he coming back?" _

_ _

_"He can't Goten. He can't come back." Gohan said sadly._

_ _

He stared blankly at the coffin. _You can't come back, Goten. _Not this time, not ever. The dragonballs wouldn't work on a natural death. He had lost his brother, the curious little boy who he trained to fight, the annoying brat who used to take pleasure in interrupting his dates with Videl, the man he was just getting to know, for good this time. _I tried to help, and I failed. I'm sorry, Goten._ He put his arm around Videl and tried to listen to the priest droning on about a man who didn't resemble his brother in the slightest. 

~* J *~

_My son is dead. My son is dead. My son is dead. _The words hammered ceaselessly in his head. For the first time, Son Goku felt truly helpless. He hadn't been able to stop Goten's eventual slide into insanity, he hadn't been able to keep his son alive, for the first time, Goku truly felt despair. 

_"Go on, Goten." Chi Chi pushed the small boy forward. "This is your daddy." _

_ _

Goku smiled down at the child facing him, he crouched down so they were at eyelevel. The little boy stubbornly kept his eyes on the ground. "Hey there, Goten." Goku grinned, trying to make him feel comfortable. "How are you?" 

_ _

_There was a moment of silence, then; "You're my daddy?" a small voice asked. _

_ _

_"Yeah, I am." Goku said happily, glad to be getting a response. "I know I haven't been around-"_

_ _

_"Will you train me?" Goten asked excitedly. "I've always wanted you to train me! Gohan always says that you're the best!" _

_ _

_"Whoa, whoa, calm down!" Goku held up his hands in an attempt to slow him down. "I can't stay for very long Goten, I'm sorry." Goten's smile slipped and a disappointed look covered his face. Goku ruffled his hair. "But, we can spar a little, I want to see how well Gohan's been training you. If your mother says it's okay…"_

_ _

_Goten turned to Chi Chi, grinning, "Can I momma? Please, please, please?" He was jumping up and down excitedly. "Please?" _

_ _

_Chi Chi nodded her head slightly, "Okay Goten, but only for awhile." _

_ _

_Her youngest son gave her a quick hug and took off, heading for where his father and older brother were talking. "She said I could!" _

_ _

_"Great!" Goku grinned, moving into a fighting stance. "Now, show me what you've learnt…" _

_ _

He hadn't been around when Goten was born, hadn't been there for his son when he needed him. He was ashamed of that. _I can save the world, but I can't save my son. _That was what hurt the most. Protectively, his arm encircled Chi Chi's waist, he wasn't about to lose anyone else. 

_I'm sorry I couldn't help, Goten, I tried, I really did. _Chi Chi touched his shoulder gently, turning her tear-streaked face to meet his. "Quit that." She ordered softly.

"Quit what?"

"Beating yourself up over it. You couldn't do anything Goku, none of us could." She leaned her head on his shoulder. "He was beyond any help we could give. He's free now." 

Another tear fell down his cheek. _My son is dead and there's nothing I could have done. _

~* J *~

He ran his fingers across the cool, marble headstone, spelling out the words.

Son Goten 

_ _

Words that would never contain the loss.

Beloved son, friend, brother, uncle. 

_ _

Loss that they all felt so deeply.

You will be missed.

_ _

Yet another tear trickled down his cheek. Roughly he brushed it away, he hated them. "Damn." He swore softly. All his life he had been told that crying was a sign of weakness. In a family where weakness was abhorred, crying was a crime. "The strongest." He whispered. _What does it all really mean? Goten was strong. _Not strong enough. He hadn't been able to fight madness, no one could. That was what scared him. Saiya-jin were meant to be stronger, immune to the diseases that so often plagued humans. Untouchable. He laughed bitterly at that. _We all die._ He was scared of dying, the one fear he never could shake. Dying naturally was irreversible, final. Goten's death was final. "Guess what Goten? I'm scared. Really scared, scared shitless. Funny huh?" He had never admitted to that, there was some sort of pride in knowing that. 

_"I'm scared." Goten admitted. _

_ _

_Trunks grinned cockily. "Baby. There's nothing to be scared _of_. They'll find us." He said confidently. _

_ _

_"I am _not_ a baby!" His best friend yelled angrily. "I'm only a year younger than you!" _

_ _

_The lavender haired boy raised an eyebrow. "You're scared. That makes you a baby."_

_ _

_Goten glared at him, "That's not true! My papa says he's been scared lotsa times and he's no baby!" His hands were curled into fists, ready to punch his friend if he disagreed. _

_ _

_"Yeah? Well _my _papa says your papa's a weakling!" Trunks snared, on his feet and ready to fight. _

_ _

_"Liar!" Goten rushed at his friend. "My papa's stronger than yours!" _

_ _

_Before the two of them could throw any punches, they were lifted up by the scruffs of their necks. Both boys glared, Goten making faces. "Let them fight, Kakarott." Vegeta said in a bored voice. "I'd like to see who's stronger anyway." _

_ _

_Goku grinned, walking away with a struggling child under each arm. "I could…but then _you'd _have to explain to Bulma and Chi Chi about how they got lost _and _got_ _in a fight." _

_ _

_Vegeta cringed and the boys continued making faces. _

Stupid pride. His foolish pride had gotten him into more than one scrape. He had to laugh at that memory however. When they were children the world seemed so much simpler. Fighting, eating, sleeping. He wished he could go back to those days, innocent days. "We fought over stupid things didn't we?" A small smile crossed his features, only to be quickly wiped away. There would be no more stupid fights, no more teasing. Goten was dead. 

He stared at the headstone, pale grey, subdued. Goten had never been subdued about anything in his life, not even in the height of the madness. Goten had raged, he had fought, he had screamed and yelled. He was not subdued. 

Trunks fingered the silky petals of the flowers in his hands. Goten never liked receiving flowers. _Oh well…_ "Sorry if ya don't like 'em buddy." He tried to ignore the tears running down his cheeks. He was ashamed of them, of his weakness. He placed the flowers at the foot of the headstone. 

"It's okay to cry you know."

He looked up, startled. _Gohan._ "I know. It's just- I've never cried." He grinned sadly, "Well, not since I was a baby anyway."

Gohan's eyes were tinged with red. "Hard to believe it's been a year already." 

Trunks shrugged. "It's been a long year. I miss him." He said honestly. "I'm scared I'll forget. It seems like it's getting harder to remember him."

Gohan laid a hand on Trunks' shoulder, "You won't forget, not completely. It's probably better that way, he was a pain sometimes you know. This way, you keep all the good memories." He attempted to laugh, failing miserably, "We all miss him Trunks. It's hard, but we'll pull through." Gohan ran a hand through his hair, "We find our own ways of pulling through. You just have to find yours." 

"You think he sees us?"

"I know he does. If I know my brother, he's probably yelling at us for being such bakas." Gohan placed his own flowers on the ground. 

There was a moment of silence. The birds sung happily and the sun shone. Trunks just stared at the headstone, leaving Gohan alone with his own memories.

"You coming?"

"Nah. I'll hang around for awhile." He shrugged. It was a nice cemetery, if any cemetery could be called nice. Trees, flowers, birds. "I'm not gonna forget you, Goten. We'll be best friends forever." His words hung in the air, and Trunks was sure that somewhere, out there, Goten had heard him.

_~* Memories_

_Where I hold the unspoken things_

_The faded scars of our friendship_

_I don't want to forget_

_Not you, my friend_

_Let time never erase_

_My memories *~ _

_ _

A/N: I did it! *sighs* I finished it, please don't hate me. *cowers in fear* I wrote a sad Goten fic! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Review it please! Yes, it was sad. I can't believe I killed him! *crys* I'm serious though, I want constructive criticism. Also, I kinda made up the part where Goku was remembering meeting Goten for the first time. *Sweatdrops* That part hasn't been shown here yet. Was it obvious? Again, review it please! 

This fic is for Smee-chan, who picked out the commas, ranted about unfinished sentences and rhetorical questions and was just a friend in general. And for Jazmine, who told me I was horrible when I rung her and wailed that I made Goten mad, then said she wanted to read the fic. Luv you guys heaps!

© 2001-04-25

Smabbi-chan 


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